Dilemmas of Strategy v.s. Integrity: Knowing when to stick and when to quit
I met a long-standing client this week who was faced with a challenging issue at work.
She felt she’d been facing it down for the longest time, trying different angles and still turning up nothing.
She sighed.
‘Maybe I should just quit?’
She asked it rather than declared it. She looked at me quizzically, wanting me to give her the answer that belonged only to her.
Instead I offered her a question. I asked her whether this was a dilemma of strategy, or one of integrity.
If a solution could be found, would she have the
energy and integrity to implement it?
If so…
…where else might we look for strategies that had not yet been tried?
What inner resources could she build up and tap into?
Who might support her in trying out and assessing new strategies?
But if not…
…if she was spent, exhausted, all out of faith that she had workable partners to succeed… then there could be no way forward.
It would be her body that would admit it before her brain.
It would be a matter of integrity, of moral survival, to walk away. Just as I did in 2016 when I discovered ‘I Am Important.’
This seems to go to the heart of many of my clients’ difficulties.
Whether they are People Leads struggling with bringing decision-makers along on a path of cultural change, or exhausted leaders from marginalised identities deciding whether to recommit to their role or seek out something new.
In the safety of our coaching space, some discover are longing for an answer (strategy). And together we come up with a great many creative ways forward together.
For others, in a space of non-judgment, they can admit to themselves that they need a way out (integrity).
Our conversation stayed with me all week.
A few days later, this poem emerged.
I hope it offers you fresh perspective reassurance when facing your next complex dilemma…
When facing a complex dilemma, how do we know when to persist, and when to cut our losses?
Strategy & Integrity
Or
Knowing When to Quit
You’ve hit the wall.
Between emotion and reason
You can’t see clear.
Your chest feels pressed,
And your brain is all dead ends.
‘I’ve had enough.
Is it time for me to quit?’
As you walk to clear the cobwebs
Or watch rain through the window
Or confide in a trusted friend,
A voice speaks gently,
As if through your spine…
‘Is this a question of strategy?
Or a question of integrity?’’
If it’s a question of strategy,
Fill your lungs
And let’s put everything on the table.
Let’s puzzle whether it’s a case for
Scissors
Or
Glue
Or
Glitter
Or
Something Else Entirely.
Get inspired by people, books and songs.
Remember that you were not always
Who you are now.
You are not who you were yesterday
Today.
If it’s a question of strategy,
Remember that once you soften out of certainty
You’re as pliable as warm plasticine.
Don’t look for the next right move,
But the next right way to be.
The one that’s different to what you’ve tried.
The one you know deep down is called for.
The one you suspected might be impossible.
Grow rich in insight.
Tap your courage.
And call in the back-up,
The co-conspirators who bring out
Your impossible best.
But if it’s a question of integrity,
Your body will tell you.
(It’s been telling you for a while.
Waiting for the moment you’d be
Ready To Listen.)
Too many red lines crossed.
Too many promises in tatters.
Too many draining, complaining conversations.
And too much staring in the mirror
Wondering who you’ll become if you carry on.
(Yes, I know dear one.
It hurts to accept when a possibility has died
Even though all things eventually do.)
Well, if it’s a question of integrity,
It’s time to surrender to the inevitable flow
Without blaming anyone,
Least of all yourself for trying.
It’s time to gather yourself,
Leave well,
And go.
Before you do,
Just be sure to ask the question first.
If you enjoyed this, check out
‘What If I Am Important’
Are you facing a dilemma in your leadership or life that you just can’t resolve?
Could you use some fresh thinking, encouragement and reassurance?
If so, I’d love to help you discover easier, more sustainable ways
of living and leading at your best.
