Come home (to yourself) for Christmas: A Rebel Leader’s Guide for a Restorative Winter Break
Amidst festive obligations and neglected house admin, how might we hatch rebel plans for our holiday season, so that we receive what we truly need and long for?
There are plenty of guides on how to do winter holidays.
The food. The decorations. Navigating those awkward family moments.
I don’t have much to say about those things (although I do make a mean tray of sweet potato latkes).
What I do know from coaching dozens and training hundreds of Rebel Leaders this year is…
Those of us who are trying to lead change and disrupt injustice really need a break. A proper break. A break that restores our hope in humanity, as well as our energy.
The winter holiday period has a momentum and power of obligation all its own. If we’re not careful, we can get pulled into the busy-ness, or slump into a stupor, and find we’re still not refreshed come January. But there is also a natural inwardness to this season, a desire to reflect and harvest our learnings.
Given all this, the kind of break we really crave doesn’t just happen. We have to intentionally create it.
So come on. Let’s be rebels about it!
Below are 9 practical ways to intentionally design your winter break around more Rebel Authenticity, Balance and Courage, inspired by my Rebel Leadership Course.
Each of them are is crafted around my Three Pathways to Possibility - designed to inspire you to deepen your Self Awareness; to take up an enabling Embodied Practice; and to connect honestly with Co-conspirators. Because these Pathways aren’t just for work - they’re also for Christmas ;)
Consider it my winter gift to you, Rebel Leader. And sign up here if you want to receive more rebel insights and practices like these year-round.
Here, have a chestnut. And a bit of winter reassurance.
Gifts of Rebel Authenticity
· RECEIVE THE GIFT OF WHO YOU ARE – Self-love is not something we reach someday. It’s something we can practice until it becomes our way of being. So write down 5 strengths or positive qualities you’ve brought to your life and work. What difference did you make possible for yourself or others through these qualities?
If you find it hard to generate these on your own, ask a trusted co-conspirator what qualities they’ve seen in you this year. And if it’s still hard to hear, say, ‘Thank you for seeing me this way.’ Perhaps them seeing you this way will eventually help you see yourself this way too.
· THANK OTHERS FOR THE GIFT THAT THEY ARE – How often do we feel grateful to someone, but not share it? Write down the names of at least 3 co-conspirators (colleagues, friends, family) who have been of support to you this year.
Now go and share your gratitude with them, being specific about their contribution to you and what it made possible. Whether you do it in person, on the phone, by voicenote or email, it’ll make their day – and yours.
· ENJOY THE RELIEF OF UNMASKING – Schedule time with one or more people this winter season with whom you can truly be yourself. No performing, no stressful hosting, just allowing yourself to be seen.
Gifts of Rebel Balance
· REMEMBER THAT REST IS NOT A REWARD - IT’S A RIGHT – As KC Davis says in her excellent book ‘How to Keep House While Drowning’, ‘You do not have to earn the right to rest, connect or recreate. Unlearn the idea that care tasks [household maintenance] must be totally complete before you can sit down.’ What if your house doesn’t need to be spotless – just functional? And what if you can give yourself permission to do the things that really restore you, without needing to ‘justify’ or ‘deserve’ them?
· CLARIFY WHAT YOU NEED & WHAT YOU WANT. THEN ENROL CO-CONSPIRATORS TO MAKE IT POSSIBLE. – This season is of often associated with ‘downtime’, but festivities don’t just *happen* – they’re a whole other set of tasks and obligations to be held.
What are three things you really NEED – rest, time alone, time with friends? And what are three things you really WANT – reading for pleasure, long baths, to go out dancing? Maybe this poem will help you make contact with the parts of you that can answer this question honestly.
Now, what requests could you make, what boundaries can you set, what standards or stories can you let go of - to make some of those things a reality?
· SAY NO, OR LET SOMETHING GO – That thing you’re really not feeling this year? Permission to listen to yourself. I trust your gut.
Gifts of Rebel Courage
· TAKE YOUR PLACE IN THE VISION OF A MORE JUST & COMPASSIONATE WORLD – As I do with leaders in In the Rebel Courage modules of my Rebel Leaership Course, I invite you to draw or write out a vision of the world you want to see. Who is brought into the centre? Whose pain is healed? What do reformed instutitions look like? How does it deal with climate collapse?
It’s usually a sprawling, utopian and vibrating with possibility that brings both hope and sorrow. Because of course, we’re not in that world yet, and no one person or organisation can change it all. So I ask you to locate where you see yourself making the most powerful contribution to bringing that world about.
Start with naming 2-3 values you want in that world, and committing to specific behaviours you want to uphold them in all you do in 2023. Go ahead and choose a charity or change campaign to support, making a financial or volunteering contribution towards that fairer, kinder, more sustainable world. Or if there’s a bigger vision of change brewing for you – simply make space for it to emerge.
· TURN GENTLY TOWARDS THE DIFFICULT FEELINGS - Even as the dark nights pull us into shadow, enforced festivity can sometimes make us feel like more complex feelings - like grief, anger, and confusion - don’t have a place. Mourning loved ones. Worrying about making ends meet. Feeling hopeless at the state of the world. It’s all welcome. Feelings are messengers - so instead of shooting them or turning them away empty handed, how can you receive what they have to say? Make like Adele the Alchemist and find the places where you can write, voice record yourself, or share these feelings with others.
And if you’re looking for somewhere to process these feelings, and learn to deal with them as they arise, why don’t we talk? I’d love to listen to you and see how I can help.
· MAKE AMENDS – If there’s something you’re truly sorry for and want to take accountability for, you don’t have to lug it into 2023 with you. Map out your 5As. Seek a trusted friend to help you prepare. Schedule that conversation, or write that email. I believe in you!
Wishing you a truly restorative winter break.
Warmly always,
