The Art of Receiving

Written in January 2021 during winter lockdown

What must I do to be able to receive from you?

Must it be an occasion?

A birthday, an engagement, a wedding, an anniversary,

a joyous premise that sets aside my defences.

Must I deem myself deserving?

‘I’ve hit that target, well done me. I’ve earned a bit of love today.’

Must it always be an offer freely made?

A perfect and spontaneous anticipation of my needs

- or else it’s worthless!

Must it always be a request I make myself?

A way in which to make things just so, just as I like them.

A source of resentment for having to ask.

Must I be at breaking point?

My mind and body giving way after weeks and months of ‘I’m fine.’

Must I put on a performance of struggling?

‘Perhaps I should exaggerate just enough to prove that I deserve this help...’

Must I fight with my shame every time before I accept the offer?

‘You can’t even cope on your own. You’ve failed again.’

Must it be a moment of unavoidable need?

I am sick

or someone close to me is.

Someone I love is dying

or dead.

A situation so extreme my barricades are blown apart.

A situation so extreme no-one would begrudge me my neediness.

And all the while, our culture trumpets ‘If You Just…’

If you just put your mind to it…

If you just push through…

If you just pull yourself up by your own dirty laces…

With all these conditions

like weighted curtains in the theatre

like the turning away of a thousand cheeks

It’s a miracle if I can receive anything at all.

And so I wonder, what if…

What if I don’t need to play charades to get what I need?

What if receiving needs no reason?

What if accepting support needs no premise?

What if love from others is my birthright

not something I must earn?

What if we were never made to make it alone?

What if our very design has baked into it

interdependence with others.

I have

what you need

and you have

what I need?

If this is true

(and on a clear day, my bones tell me it is)

Maybe I can ask for what I need before I break.

I can get help early, and enjoy the ease it brings.

I can accept your offer of a meal without turning it down first.

I can share myself without worrying I’ll be a burden.

I can catch my reflexes in the act, and gently pull the curtains aside.

I can catch what you offer in both hands and drink it gratefully with my whole heart.

And when you have offered your help

And I have received it,

I can say ‘Thank You’

and really mean it.

How do you relate to receiving support in your own life?

Take some time to finish each of these sentences for yourself…

In what contexts do you find it easy to receive from others?

In what contexts do you find it harder to receive from others?

What moves do you make to avoid receiving from others?

Where in your life could you ask for and receive more support?

Cultivate a more balanced life where you can both give and receive support freer. Learn more about Flourishing with Debbie in Leadership and Life.

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