No more delegation disappointment: 7 ways to make smarter requests
Trying to do less and delegate more - it’s a tricky, vulnerable business. So how can you make clearer requests more, ensure they get met, and empower others in the process?
Effective request-making is on just about every leaders’ mind when I support leaders with 1:2:1 coaching, and facilitate Rebel Leadership Masterminds for teams. How to do less and delegate more, while ensuring quality and empowering their people. But if you know you know - there’s always a good reason NOT to make that request.
How often do you delegate something to someone, only to be disappointed by the result?
How often do you prioritise your fear of rejection or disappointment, over getting the support or guidance you need?
How often do you think, 'I can't be bothered to communicate this request. It's easier if I just do it myself.'?
And of course, it doesn’t end at work. I’ve been grappling with request-making at home as my partner has been working extremely hard and late this past month. We are both exhausted, short on time, energy and patience. Pooling our energy and handing off tasks requires even more thought and communication than usual. So how can I make effective requests of him, and he of me? How can we negotiate home labour in a way that feels authentic and equitable, and doesn't allow resentment to grow?
So here’s one of several models I share with my clients to help them think afresh about request-making.
Why not use it to work through the next request you want to make, in leadership or in life?
The 7 Conditions for Request Fulfilment
It may sound obvious - but request-making is a two-way conversation.
We can fall into the illusion that we can simply plop something in someone’s lap with a question mark at the end and a cherry on top - and it will magically happen. This is especially so in hierarchical set-ups, where there’s an implicit or explicit expectation that junior team members are obligated to fulfil the requests of their seniors, no questions asked. Eesh.
The reality is, a request needs a receiver as much as it needs a giver. Each party should feel able to ask questions, negotiate and arrive at a mutually workable agreement where the piece of work gets done to everyone’s satisfaction. Making this kind of back-and-forth welcome, even across power dynamics, is key to ensuring requests get fulfilled.
In my coaching training with Integral Development school Thirdspace, I discovered a wonderful model for preparing request conversations. It provides us with no less than seven conditions that a request must meet to significantly improve its chances of being fulfilled.
1) A speaker - The person who holds the request / task. In this case, let’s assume today that this is you.
2) A listener - The person receiving the request / task. Note, they’re not called 'a doer’ or ‘a wish-fulfiller’. As the speaker you need to assess whether your listener with has the presence, capacity and willingess to understand and forward the task.
3) Something missing - What is it you need or want done? Such helpful framing I think, to articulate exactly what the gap is, and why it needs to be filled.
4) Clear conditions for satisfaction - How will they know that they’ve met your request? I’m guessing your listener is not a mind-reader. The more specific you can be about the parameters of your request - format, timing, sensitivities that need attention - the better you’ll be equipping your listener to satisfy your request. Be mindful of over-prescribing here too. Your listener is not you, so don’t expect them to do it exactly as you would have done. The goal is to get clear on what’s core to your request, and what’s flex for them to deliver extra value and do it their way.
5) Time by when - Be realistic and clear with scheduling. Consult with your listener to check their capacity. Be aware that power dynamics between you may have them feel compelled to say ‘yes’ without checking their capacity, so be prepared if appropriate to assess it together. Agreeing ‘check-in times’ before final deadlines can prevent nasty surprises and unnecessary stress.
6) Sincerity - I think of this as the having an honest, forthright conversation that genuinely sets your listener up for success. A consensual, respectful and realistic discussion of everyone’s needs and expectations. Are you as the speaker doing everything you can to equip your listener to create that deliverable, from sharing instructions and resources, to coaching them on how to deliver? Is the request fully understood by the listener, and are they able to consent to it? A good sign you’re cultivating sincerity is when a listener can say ‘no’ to a request, or make a ‘counter-offer’ e.g. stretching out the timeline to make it more doable. In a way, sincerity and consent is what distinguishes a request from an order.
7) Handing the token - This is the moment where agreement has been reached, and responsibilities pass from speaker to listener. It may seem obvious - but as the speaker, you actually need to actually hand over the task and any enabling resources to your listener. Failing to hand over documents or resources that your listener needs, or worse yet, secretly carrying on with the task in case your listener doesn’t meet your expectations (!), are both ways in which you might be holding onto the ‘token.’ What do you need to do truly hand over and trust your listener? Even if they get it 90% of the way there, it’s still saving you considerable time and energy. And you never know - they may surprise you by blowing your expectations away!
How many of these do you think about when making your requests?
And what could you pay even more attention to with your next request?
—-
The 7 Conditions as Poetry: ‘Make The Request’
Debbie Danon, 2022
As I journaled a while back, a poem emerged around making requests in this way. Writing it released a lot of my resistance and allowed me to receive an abundance of support.
I hope this helps you to make more powerful requests with greater ease, in work and in life.
Too many plates.
Not enough hands.
Can I open myself to Make The Request
before they (and I)
come crashing down?
Time to get my notebook out and count...
One: A speaker.
Today, that’s me.
Let me find the words to share clearly what is to be done.
But also
(oof, must I? I must...)
words for the needs, the hopes within
that the 'doing' might fulfil.
Two: A listener.
Seeking a co-conspirator.
Enoughness, not perfection.
Someone trusted enough.
Ready enough to receive.
Spacious enough to grasp the task,
first with mind
and then with hands.
Three: Something missing.
The cup of tea. Two sugars, no judgement.
The helping hand.
The second pair of eyes.
The safe advice.
The something I'm longing for
that I'm hopeful you can bring.
Four: Clear Conditions for Satisfaction.
'Here's a picture of what I need.'
'I'm thinking this, not that.'
'Get it 80% there and I'll do the other 20%.'
Five: Time by When
They call it 'deadline'
But if you get it to me by 5pm tomorrow,
I'll sigh with relief.
A liberating end for us both,
Signalling new life for what comes next.
Six: Sincerity
I want to help you win.
What can I share with you now
Information, tools, encouragement,
To create this shared possibility?
I thank you.
I appreciate you.
Seven: Handing the Token
I hesitate.
Do I really trust?
I think I do.
And even if I don't, I know this is the only way.
I pass you the baton.
You move into action
And I, a little lighter,
Surprise myself by resolving
To make more requests like this one.
How can you bring Rebel Leadership to your organisation?
121 Leadership Coaching
Rebel Leadership Trainings (Online or In-Person) for your organisation
Expert Facilitation for Big Conversations
If you’re ready to build a great culture in your organisation, but don’t feel equipped to do it alone - I’ve got you.
DM me on LinkedIn or email me here at debbie@debbiedanon.com.
I’d love to support you and your people on the path to Rebel Flourishing.
Debbie Danon
Founder, Rebel Leadership
Debbie is the founder of Rebel Leadership - a developmental practice serving leaders and teams of change-making organisations. She is a certified Integral Coach, inclusive leadership facilitator, and sought-after expert in personal and professional development.
In a world where burnout is too common among activists and change-makers, Debbie is passionate about supporting leaders to build their capacity for Rebel Authenticity, Balance and Courage - so that they and their teams can feel energised and fully resourced to navigate even the most complex challenges.
Clients recognise Debbie for her ‘deepest emotional intelligence’, ‘extensive leadership knowledge’ and ‘total unshockability.’
Let's connect on LinkedIn
Download your FREE resource 'Wellbeing Reclaimed'
Sign up to our Rebel Reframe emails for weekly leadership insights and inspiration.
Visit My Bookshop.org Store for hand-picked books to develop your Rebel Authenticity, Balance & Courage. By buying our selected books here, you support independent bookshops, and as an affiliate we may earn a small commission.
